Armistice Journals - I

While my wife and I are slowly getting into the rhythms of living together and most of the bigger decision wars have slowly come to shaky armistice I've begun to purge a lot of older 'stuff'. Sometime last week, I came across a notebook of mine from college days. The first few pages looked like lecture notes, the rest were stupid silly poems I had written up on people and random things.

While reading through some of them, I realized that I was one mean SOB! I've said some really mean things about people. But you can't let all this go waste now can you ? There was a series I began in college called... 'Pretty Maids All in a Row...' and once published it'll reside for a very long time on the web..and google cache ;-).

Alright folks, this was a long time ago, we were very young and I seemed to have a lot of spare time on my mind. Laugh at it, still mad ? Give me a shout, I promise to show up and you have one free shot (just dont hit the left side of my face!)

PRETTY MAIDS ALL IN A ROW:

(i)

shes got a Special-spot that i'll tell u about

touch her there and she'll scream and shout!

this is where it came about

that time when she fell off the pot!

this is the were and how of it...

it happened when she went for a shit,

she finished the job that much i know

now all that wuz left was to clean up the show.

she reached for the soap way up high

she might as well have reached for the sky.

then her stubby legs did give way

all because of an untimely sway..

Into the pot one of them stuck tight

and wouldnt come free without a fight.

out went the call for a trusted aide

in rushed 'Aunty' with a spade

i want u to get my leg out dont u see

pull out my leg..set me free

i have exam that i must take

how can i now my leg break?

'Aunty' now rushed back, now with an axe

but the toilet still would not call a ROMANA PAX.

push and pull came to shove

carrying the olive branch out came the dove

the end of the conflict was plain to see

a white plaster cast had she below her knee.

Oh! My! Oh! Me!...look all yee

tween the pot and the ground many a Slip there can be!!!

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(ii)

Have u ever seen the likes of Bhoon

Who talks funny and walks like a toon!

Her hair tied to a pony tail small

With her six inch heels she stands so tall!

Look at her ambling to class

Walk of a penguin going for mass.

She walks past us and gives the look

For in her books, we are but crooks!

Though she is a sweet girl as such

To us she doesnt talk that much

Maybe the fault is all but ours

By pulling her leg at every hour.

You may think we are but mean

Dont take to heart

For we are all noise and not what we seem!

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(iii)

They say a pictures worth a thousand words,

And about you I'd say, could turn fresh milk to curds!

Drunk are you in that empty vanity,

You think you can drive men out of their sanity!

Oh! how dissolutioned are you my poor girl,

better get out of the dream in which you twirl!

On your face pimples roam free,

Count them One,Two,three!

There was this tale about some frog

who when kissed turned a prince,

I bet you are waiting your turn still!!

Though you think yourself a bomb,

you look old enough to be my MOM!

The intension was not to hurt ma mere,

the object was to compare!

Now I know when they say 'Loves Blind',

When the age diffrence between you two your boyfriend don't seem to mind

Sad am I to break this party,

For your bofriend behind you too calls you 'Aunty'!

I wonder if you can understand all this,

For I know how limited your vocabulary is.

But don't worry and dont despair.

For I have a dictionary for you to spare.

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(iv)

Shes one weird chick

The thought of her just makes me sick.

Her face in the morning riuns the day,

And you can be sure ill luck will come your way.

I fail to see what some see in her

Or maybe they just fancy her rear!

She thinks she's of a higher institution

To us she seems like a step back in evolution!

Can't write more,lost my appitite,

Till tonight I won't be able to take another bite.

For food she can destroy all cravings,

Just think about the money you'd be saving!

As I think of the extra cash in awe

She struts by, dear 'Parimal-'awww''!!!

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(v)

Theres this female whos way over her head,

Who basked in glory of what people about her said.

You can see her prancing about,

Trying to rope any guy no matter thin or stout.

She thinks the guys fall under her spell,

While in mosts mind,she's nothing but a bitch from hell!

No matter what i say or write

For her its a compliment all right.

The fault is of some guys,

Who lift her ego up to the skys.

On them,she can put blinkers,

While on some,nothing happens

How much ever she tinkers.

One thing is clear and thats her stamp

To us she ain't nothing but a slutty ol' vamp!

On this slander,we shant take more time,

Oh! what a waste of so much a rhyme!

For those of you who came in late,

And still a face to this dame they can't relate,

Too bad!!...tough luck mate!